Media sensation LootLove, who once never envisioned herself as a mother during her formative years, now finds herself a devoted mother to her five-year-old twin girls and marvels daily at how she ever lived a single moment without their joyful presence. “Their arrival has truly taught me that there is your plan and then there is God’s plan. And that God’s plan is always best,” she said.

The trio graces this month’s cover of Batswadi Magazine—a first for her darling twins, Sisizwe and Zanothando, affectionately known as Hip and Hop. According to their doting mother, they handled it well.

 

“This is the closest I have been to God,” she explained, reflecting on what motherhood means to her and how it has completely transformed her life.

 

“It is experiencing pure, unconditional, untainted love, which has been the most profound and beautiful encounter for me,” she added, noting that motherhood has placed her in a constant state of self-reflection.

 

“It’s a beautiful purification process that brings you back to yourself. You start examining your life, questioning who you are, what defines you, your beliefs, and your design. Are you listening to yourself? Are you listening to God?” she pondered.

 

When she discovered that she was carrying tiny hearts within her at age 29, Luthando recalls being filled with panic, fear, and anxiety. How was she going to tell her mother that she was pregnant? Yes, even at 29, she was petrified at the thought.

 

The one thing she had never considered and had completely written off was happening. She was going to be a mom.

 

“I was never one of those little girls who dreamt of a white picket fence, marriage, and having three kids. I just didn’t want kids. So when it happened I was freaked out but after months of internal conversations, I had to lean into it and completely surrender.”

 

And it was in that state of surrender that she found her freedom and a new meaning for life.

 

Now, she raises two completely opposite individuals with very big personalities, and admits that she has to keep up with their evolving characteristics on a daily basis. It’s a rush.

 

“The one girl has very big feelings. She is headstrong, intuitive, and sensitive to energy, emotions, and expressions, and I think it is such a beautiful thing. And in the same breath, she is bold and fearless. She is the one who would probably pick up a lizard and bring it to me.

 

“The other twin is the morning person, happy all day, the clown. She is hilarious and clumsy; when she falls, she gets up quickly, says the craziest things, and is definitely the little, naughty sister. And although she’s the one to sing all day, she’s afraid of bugs,” she said, laughing.

 

LootLove gets to live in a world full of colour, full of questions, “that get to me sometimes LOL”. She likens this part of her world to being a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

 

“Our bedtime routine consists of having to navigate two different expectations, which is always chaos. There is one who never wants to sleep and is suddenly thirsty, or her hand hurts or needs something. Drama. The other just gets into bed and passes out. The morning routine can also be equally chaotic; sometimes we are emotional, sometimes we aren’t. It’s…yeah,” she said, laughing.

 

The majority of their time is spent with just the three of them. Which means everything that happens to mommy, the girls get to see. This called for them to learn ways to navigate work, her solo time, emotions and feelings and also how she spends time with the girls.

 

“One of the most important things I learned from therapy is to show your children emotions because I am teaching them how to process things, that it is okay not to be okay, and how to get over things. And life is not linear. So I’m quite expressive with my emotions, but I’m also weary of not burdening them and now using them as my emotional crutch. I am aware that I need to strike a balance so I do not wear them down.”

 

As a working mom who has to sometimes travel, the mom guilt has been a constant feeling she has had to work on dispelling daily. With questions such as ‘are you doing enough, are you given enough, and have you found your balance’ constantly flocking over her.

 

“And because it’s a single-parent household, the perception is that we are always operating on a minus. But, honestly, our lives are full. More so when you accept who and what you are and start building from that point onwards. I’ve had to work on those emotions, admitting that it is not an easy journey, but there is a purpose; it is mine to walk.”

 

With zero expectations of her girls, except the usual ‘raising loving, smart, confident, and kind human beings’, LootLove envisions this journey as having two blank canvases and allowing her daughters to create their own realities and be who they were meant to be on earth. Unapologetically.

 

“It’s scary to not impose yourself on your little ones but it is so important. To allow God’s will to prevail.” But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t lay down the law.

 

“Oh honey, they know what time it is when I give them the mommy stare,” she said laughing. “I have completely morphed into my own mother. I am a shouting mom, I’m working on it but it is so hard. When I was younger, I obviously thought her shouting at us or soaking clothes then washing them by hand before putting them in the washer was crazy. But guess who is doing it now? Me.

 

“I’ve even adopted her famous phrase ‘uzondiphambanisa’ (you going to drive me crazy). I have completely turned into my mom. And when I am upset, I go full on isiXhosa,” she said laughing.

 

“Before this, I didn’t know who that girl was. She’s so far away from me; it’s so strange.”

“I absolutely appreciate, love, and adore the version of me that existed before, but I cannot possibly imagine that version at the age of 35. I just can’t see my life without them; it’s unimaginable. And I am always blown away at how God knew that this was what I needed. I may not have expressed it or understood that, deep down, innately, I did want this. I just maybe feared it. But this is exactly what my world needed. My girls.”